Things Will Be Different

Everything is changing so quickly. in about a week and a half I may be sitting in a dorm room, rooming with people I know nothing about, trying to figure out what it is I plan on doing for the rest of my life. The struggle is real. And while I know I don’t have to have everything figured out right away, I like to plan and have some sort of thing to go with so that I know whatever it is I do I wont crash and burn full force. Now, im not saying that life is going to lead me down this never-ending tornado of hell, but I do think it will be a challenge. scratch that, I KNOW it will be a challenge and I plan on succeeding at the end in hopes that I will have a happy somewhat comfortable life. But the truth is, I’m afraid. im afraid that ill be in debt and hate my job, or maybe hate my decisions that led me to the end of the journey (which is non-existent at this stage in time). And while I know I shouldn’t be worrying about things like that, well its pretty hard to do nowadays when all of a sudden ive been thrust into the world and expected to make something of myself when im only 17, and have heard the words “oh, you’re  young, you have time, don’t worry child everything will be alright.” the truth is, ive been worrying about these things for a good portion of my life, some may have never noticed, but these thoughts have always been there in the walls of my mind. Don’t get me wrong, im excited, maybe even thrilled, but im also nervous. but whose to say its just me and that all these never-ending nightmares will come true; I know they wont as long as I don’t give them the power to. Now, this post may seem sad, but I promise you there IS indeed a point to my madness. I have never been one to be outgoing and fun unless im with a very close-knit group of friends or people who understand me, yet might not know how to express themselves as well. I’m not even super comfortable with my family as it is very easy for others. When your young, things seem to be so easy and simple, but as you get older, you learn more things about the world; things you most likely never wanted to know, but that’s just a part of growing up. For me at least, I know that one of the only ways I think I can become comfortable with myself and not die in a sea of the embarrassing awkward moments I have quite often in my life, is to just get out, let go, and figure stuff out on my own. which is why ive made the decision to go away to college rather than stay at home for a year, then head off. I have taken into consideration both possible options (staying home or going away) for the longest time, but ive decided there are more pros than cons. There is no doubt I will miss my family immensely (especially my twin sister), my aunts wonderful cooking, walking Bubba (my dog Riley), or watching cartoons in my pj’s at 2 in the afternoon until my eyes fall out. All the little things, I know I will miss. But I realize im leaving them in order to make greater things exist. All I can do at this point is hope that things turn out alright. Thanks for reading this, if you’ve even gotten this far, haha.

P.S. I have a CRAPLOAD of shopping to do. It’s insane.

Love,

Nat ❤

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